Thirsty Thursday

Operator: “Chrysler corporation, could you please hold.”

Roger: “No, I can’t fucking hold. This is an emergency!” After a few seconds Roger realizes that they weren’t asking a question. He was going to be on hold regardless.

Some time passes.

Operator: “Hello, thank you for calling-”

Roger: “Dammit, I’ve been on hold for ten minutes!”

Operator: “Sir, I would appriciate it if you wouldn’t use that kind of language. Now how can Chrysler help you?”

Roger: “Sorry, listen I have a bit of a problem.”

Operator: “And what would that be, sir?”

Roger: “Well, I was driving my nephew to school (he’s six), and-”

Operator: “Oh, they’re so cute at that age!”

Roger: “Well, yeah, I guess. So, I accidentally ran over a road construction cone and he started laughing really hard. So I ran over some more.”

Operator: “Sir, let me stop you right there. Chrysler and it’s subsudiaries are not responsible for any damage or charges to it’s customers or their vehilces incurred by reckless behavior.”

Roger: “Well, it didn’t seem reckless at the time.”

Operator: “No, no it never does, now does it?”

Roger: “I guess not…”

Operator: “So what happened, sir?”

Roger: “Well, the air-bag went off.”

Operator: “Oh, are you and your nephew ok?”

Roger: “Well, I’m fine. But Nicky didn’t fare so well.”

Operator: “Sir, we plainly spell out in the manual that you are not to have children in the front seat. Air-bags are dangerous to children.”

Roger: “Yeah, apparently.”

Operator: “What happened to him?”

Roger: “He doesn’t have a head.”

Operator: “Excuse me?”

Roger: “His head. It’s gone.”

Operator: “Excuse me?”

Roger: “The air-bag, it went off and it took his head right off.”

Operator: “Oh, oh my.”

Roger: “Yeah, I know.”

Operator: “Well, what do you want us to do about that?”

Roger: “Do you think you could tell my sister for me?”

Operator: …

Roger: “She’s probably going to be pretty mad.”

Jason Schueppert