Depressing Holiday Haiku (guest column)

Posted by Jason Schueppert on Jan 6th, 2007

oh songs for christmas
mom and dad sing by the fire
where they burned my hand

mom please be happy
i hate it when you hit me
my only present

sing jingle bells
i love presents and kittens
why did dad rape me?

sorry mom i spilled
that is ok son its christmas
now take off your pants

i get so lonely
the holidays make me sad
i play with my gun

christmas time with dad
sing songs as i touch his dick
call it jingle balls

big brother- when you
call it a christmas present
i still feel dirty

stay up and watch close
santa will fill my stocking
uncle fills my mouth

free gifts from sears- nice!
people are really giving
when you have cancer

wrapping gifts for friends
i love you baby jesus
did i just OD?

have a nice christmas
i want to be happy bad
inject drugs again

no presents at home
i lost my job, wife, and kids
drink myself to death

i can’t face new year
party in a rich penthouse
jump from the ledge- die

Haiku by Stephanie G.

FREEDOM (guest column)

Posted by Jason Schueppert on Jan 1st, 2007

It’s bumps from all the ancient Chinese people that love America. Only they don’t know the things in themselves like one would expect. Stability is the only measure by which we can adjust our symmetrical wayfaring. In that it isn’t made of fantasies thereof, insofar as we find opportunities like the one aforementioned desirable if not affable. Perhaps even ineffable, but we will leave that to the poor to decide this, today, maybe. What you mustn’t forget, at least not initially is that there have been many post-ancients that think they are something. They are in fact not at all, but this doesn’t stop them from thinking this, which to them is fabulous.

The rats are back in town! We can’t find homes for them. The truth is, really, that they can’t find homes for themselves, but no one seems to care about things like that. I’m living free, here.

Autonomous nations like the rats have unforeseen circumstances in their pockets, like. This occurs to me but no one else, they haven’t gotten it. Fat blacks sat on the rats. Eat It Now!!!

Guest column by Chris Hontos.